Before You Date Someone With Anxiety, Read This.

Loving someone with anxiety is hard. It might be the hardest thing you will ever do, but trust me, loving at all is harder for them, than it is for you.

It isn’t romantic. You won’t be able to save them. There will be days that they’re drowning and you won’t even be able to throw them a life vest. It will hurt you, but trust me, it’s hurting them worse.

There will be bad days, and even worse nights. They’ll feel on edge, and because of that, they won’t feel like talking. You’ll ask them what’s wrong, and they’ll say nothing. It might bother you, but they’re telling you the truth. Everything could be going right, but still, they can still feel so wrong.

When that happens, assure them you love them and that you’re always here for them. Please, don’t under any circumstance, ever, utter the words that they’re over dramatic. If you could see what was actually going on in their head, you’d know they are the strongest person you will ever meet.

If they’re having a break down, your first instinct will be to tell them “Every thing is going to be okay.” This will make them angry, and that will confuse you.

To them, it’s an empty promise, and one that you can’t possibly follow through on. So instead, work through the problem with them. When they tell you what the problem is, break it up in to pieces and help them solve it with actual solutions.

They’ll feel bad for you. They’ll feel undeserving and like they’re a burden on you. Please tell them that they aren’t. It’ll be hard sometimes, and you will get frustrated. That’s understandable, but please don’t take it out on them.

Please check in with them whenever you can. When you don’t check in, their mind goes wild. Imagining unimaginable tragedies.

They don’t want to suffocate you though and the thought of doing that will stress them out too, so please, if they do call you, answer whenever you can. Because I promise you they made sure they put their self through Hell before they risked inconveniencing you, and making themselves seem clingy.

They aren’t clingy. They’re in their own person Hell run by their irrational thoughts while trying to survive with a thousand pounds worth of doubts piled on their chest.

You might think they’re being immature, and possessive, like they need to know what you’re doing every second of every day, but that isn’t the case. It takes a long time to build trust with someone who has anxiety, but if you and your partner have built that trust, they won’t fear stuff like you cheating on them, but the unimaginable tragedies I spoke of earlier, like that you could literally be dead.

If you’re 25 minutes late, and you didn’t call to let them know, their mind will dive off a cliff in to horrendous thoughts. Their mind will randomly talk them in to checking traffic reports, and then accident reports, and before they even realize it, they’re convinced you’re dead on the side of the road, bloody and alone. To you, it will seem so unrealistic and impossible. Your mind will not even be able to comprehend how they had jumped to that conclusion, but to them it feels like the only possible explanation that makes sense.

So, are you ready to give up yet?

If not, that’s good. It means you’re worthy, because while dating someone with anxiety may be hard, it also makes you lucky to have earned a spot in their life. It’s so damn hard to love someone when you have anxiety.

They don’t just let anyone in, because dealing with the anxiety that caring about a whole other human being entails, is hard.

People with anxiety can’t help but think about every possibly outcome. They have thought about losing people close to them a thousands times, and how much stuff in life can go wrong, but once they cope, it’s no longer as big of a negative like it once was. Especially not for you, because they will never take anyone or anything for granted.

Because people with anxiety care so much. Most of the time, they care too much, and they love even harder. They will put you first, always. They will protect you fiercely.

So please, even during their worst moments, don’t take them for granted. They don’t need you to save them. They just need you to be there.

Be their safe place, and if anything, they’ll be your savior, because they can handle it. They’ve been saving themselves for years.


20 Comments Add yours

  1. “If you can’t handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best”

    I absolutely loved this! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Absolutely perfect quote! Thank you! 😊


  2. Arden Thomas says:

    I have PTSD and my partner is bipolar, anxiety is bread and butter for us. It’s a real riot over here, but somehow we make it work with a regular healthy dose of love each day. I found your words very insightful and even found a little extra strength in them. Thank you so much for sharing this.


    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      I think it’s so beautiful you and your partner have found each other and love and accept one another. Thank you so much for the kind words! Writing about mental health is scary to me because I know a lot of the time it’s very subjective, so the compliment means a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Harlie says:

    This is really, really good. I’m the farthest thing from an anxious person, so this helps to understand what people go through. Also, your layout is very clean and pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Thank you so much!! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. allizia13 says:

    Very nice article. Love it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Thank you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. thereisplentyintheeyesblog says:

    true one. i finally got it right

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Thank you ❤


  6. mrandmrspillowtalk says:

    *hugs* thanks for having the courage and the carefully chosen words to write about this so well

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Thank you 😊❤


  7. Very well thought out blog. Very good indeed


  8. Very good that i had to foster it on my blog

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Thank you 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  9. aslew1 says:

    This is so awesome! My husband deals with anxiety most of the time and I’m always asking “what’s wrong” and it’s always “nothing”.


    1. Scattered Scripturient says:

      Thank you!! I’m the same. It’s definitely hard to hear “nothing” in that situation too! I know it drives my husband crazy haha.


  10. todaysagenda says:

    Amazing post! I have severe anxiety and just got out of a relationship where my bf broke up with me because of my worries. I hope I can find someone like you described above. Please keep writing; you inspired me.


  11. They don’t need you to save them. They just need you to be there. I agree with that, too!


  12. imjustneen says:

    LOve this i have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life & dating is always hard but i have dated people who weren’t always patient and some who were . I love this because people do have to think about these types of things before dating someone with it. I remembering trying to hide in bathrooms when i would have panick attacks and my anxiety was sky high and i felt ashamed and loss and didn’t want to be judged from my partner the one I’m supposed to feel loved by. Its crazy but its life and i know I’m not the only one dealing with these problems on a daily . I started a blog yesterday and I’m going to be writing about my struggles with anxiety and depression and I hope to meet people from here that can relate and get something out of my blogs like i got from this one.

    Liked by 1 person

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